What a whirlwind this last 7 months has been. It has encompasses both the very best day of my life and the very worst day of my life. Getting married to the best man in the world was by far the best day of my life. My brother getting in a car accident and going to heaven the worst day of my life. My wedding day seems like it took place years ago. However Adam and I are still very much in the honeymoon phase and loving it. But I feel like my life has changed so drastically. I’ve changed so much since Austin went with Jesus and I’m not sure I like the change, but I am not sure what to do with it.
There are tons of emotions and feelings that come with this for me. There’s anxiety, anger, guilt, and there’s a piece of who I am and how I became me that was ripped from my life. I don’t talk to my friends anymore because I don’t really want them to see this person right now, I don’t want to tell them what’s really going on inside. I don’t want to cry in front of them. But I miss them.
So where do you go from here? I’ll tell you where I think I’m going. Adam and I have a wonderful life full of love and laughter ahead of us, and I think I’m gonna live it. My family (both Nau and Miller) are a huge blessing in my life and I’m gonna love them. My strong foundation for faith has been mightily shaken, but I’m gonna believe in the Rock that is Christ to make a new sturdier foundation. And one day I will see Austin, my Tin Tin, again. It just may have to be 70 or 80 years from now. Today I can do this. Tomorrow I may not think I can, but moment by moment I’ll do the best I can. That’s what I will do.